new comings

baby is crawling, we are moving in DAYS.  yikes, everything is busy busy.  I am changing some things with my blog.  It of course is going to be about Brazil, but now the US AND other encompassing idea.  More me readapting there.  And future wanderings. Anyways I have always been one for the inbetween, borderland, paradoxes and such.  after all it is called Nina diaspora, time to move.  Until I get more grounded, I will be on holiday.  musing for my return.  Anyway, I took my blog list down, I hope it's saved.  Just thought of that.....  Anyway, I am expanding on my identities (in plain english expanding to other groups, translation, mommy, tech and whatever floats my way blogs will be added on the list) and closing some other parts of my life .  So I will later put up a tab of current blogs I READ and Comment on or wish I had the time to.

things are lovely with a pinch of sour right now.  But I see the future bright.  My little man is amazing.  Here is a little peak!  

being thankful for...

Here in Brazil, I am allowed to stay home with luca longer than normal.  As we know american women went to work, got divorce, now want to get married again and have the option to stay home or go to work.  Really, now american women can't choose.  Most households cant go without the loss of income.

Well, I never really thought that I wanted to stay at home, but now that I have-- I would never trade this time.  as it is so short and maybe just my one chance.  So I am happy.  The structural issues, I talk about is gainful employment for women (that does not involve cleaning or the grocery store) and daycare.  Although feeling are mixed about these issues, I do acknowledge what positives they do provide.

I am thankful for my trip to paraty in about ten days.  Photos will follow.

I am more than grateful to go back to the US after 3 and half years here in november.  I will get to spend the whole holiday season home.  And I will see my brother who is back from china for six months.  I have not seen him in seven years.  Plus my family meeting luca.

Life is good. 

craig from craiglist

So I love craigslist, sell my junk, buy more. blah blah.  Well he has a blog (craig).  everyone does practically.  His blog is pretty political in the recent posts.  I didn't look very far.  But I ran into a blog about trolls.  I recently got attacked by a troll. god, I'm old. I didn't see it coming a mile away, I mean I knew the guy was mentally ill or at least had emotional/sexist issues.  But I never really had anything like this happen before.  i experience some sort of trolling in my early twenties as I liked some video games.  but that was really different than this.  I have to say that I have been lucky about negative people and had really not much contact on the internet.  then again when your in college and without the internet for A LONG time, how can you experience trolling.  His advice was good and I will never find myself with the same problem after reading and thinking about how it went down.


Trolls, fake trolls, and outrage addiction

12 things I would like to say to the Brazilian government

1.  Education is broken, it's really a shame that this country has such a broken education and has little value for teachers.  You are a the model I warn the US about.  If you don't change, Brazil will never live up to the potential that people think Brazil has.  Shame on you.  Your children study in the best schools aboard and here, while the poor have little to zero educational resources.  This is the number one reason why Brazil is seems like a country frozen in time.

2.  You won't provide.  If we don't have basic needs met we really can not socially evolve.  Those are food, shelter, education, healthcare and mentors.  I would argue without food, shelter and healthcare we can just forget about education and healthcare.  But I argue that education and healthcare are required to achieve certain standards.  IT IS the government's job to provide that, if people can not provide for themselves.  You have failed on providing all of these for your citizens.

3.  Radars everywhere.  While radars have improved some speeding among drivers, they are questionable practices on privacy.  And enable police to never pull people over.  Thus resulting in people driving however they like without consequences.  Death by car accident is going to pass the murder rate very soon in Brazil.

4.  Politicians are so overpaid in this country.  It's time to take some of that money and use it in education and healthcare.

5.  We need to adjust taxes for the rich in this country.

6.  It's time to address the criminal justice system in this country.  it's broken.

7.  We need more government regulation and checks in balances as a general here, but also on numerous specific issues.

8.  Disability and resources for the individual have disabilities or sick are lacking.  we need better resources and overall more programs for them in this country.

9.  social inequalities among race, gender, sexuality, and class are severe in many cases and need to be addressed by resources and social programs/campaigns.

10.  The basic salary is about 260 dollars a month.  This needs to be changed.  Brazil is a very expensive country and NOT even ONE person can survive on this.  This causes misery.

11.  We need better transportation options in this country.

12.  We need to address the culture of corruption as a whole country.    

attachment parenting

So i already had an issue today with a nurse.  one last week too.  mil and I are at ends.  what other people issues could I create?

Well, I follow attachment parenting.  and I liked them on fb.  And it's mostly all americans.

So I see this post:

Hi, I'd like to ask what other parents do when strangers come up to them in a shop or something and starts touching their babies or some will even kiss them! I don't want to be rude, but I feel they are intruding my family's space. Thanks!


oh my.  Isn't this what a lot of countries are critical on americans?  This insane behavior of stranger danger and no touching.  And what that does?  Well, what followed was worse people making up stories like illness, physical barriers, being rude and even violence.  yes violence.  Not to mention the admins reinforcing these behaviors.  even one admin appears to have commented on my comment, by saying I respect your country, so respect mine.  

oh! come on, I stated I was was American.  I just stated that Brazil is a nice and welcoming environment to raise a baby.  Where everyone loves them and gives them positive attention.  But I do have my limits.  But i am not going to be rude to an elderly woman for holding my sons hand.  For what reason?  What is so bad about touch?  I remember strangers giving me physical attention as a child in chicago.  people from other cultures and were very very nice to me.  It was warm and nice and the kindness is still remembered to this day.  I even wonder how these people are and what lovely hearts they had.  

So should I go get myself kicked off attachment parenting?  There's a hundred posts.  Most of them saying I would smack a person that kissed my baby.  I am really pissed and upset.  What's wrong with Americans and babies and touch?

parabens

I think I have complained a lot about paulinia health care.  If your aware of their reputation, they used to have a gold star by their name.  Still, many doctors claim it's one of the best in Brazil.  sorry not buying that, anywhere that requires you to wait for 10 hours or the risk that you may die waiting (which happened recently) shouldn't put best in the same sentence.

As far as I know here, vaccinations in the area are all controlled by the public healthcare.  Actually, if I wrote this a month ago, I would have gushed over the nurses and their attention to my son.  So it's something so random and depends on the type of person you get.

Well last week, the nurse was new.  I am used to dealing with two specific women.  I went and started talking about some issues and doubts.  Luca was geting dtp and hib, which are suspected to give him a siezure last time he took it.  The woman starts railing on me and giving me dirty looks when I make a mistake in portuguese.  Well, I can tell you when someone is being rude you start making mistakes.  it just happens.  she just wants to fight and not listen, sighing. I so stopped and thought a minute--Ijust deciding coming back is best.  last week was independence day and the hospitals have little personal AND peds are already on shortage.  So I came back today.  After the doctors return from the long weekend.

I went in and handed luca's vaccination record, as there was a wait I decided to change luca.  as him left mommy present, it's hot.  letting that sit leads to diaper rash easily.  The nurse helping me was so nice and helpful.  we were talking about accents.  he commented on how nice mine was (so relative to the speaker) maybe it was because he was a he.  HE also stated how well I spoke.  I said that was relative.

Well the woman that was doing the vaccinations called luca and gave me the dirtiest look.  oh great.  I came in determined to kill her with kindness.  We sat quietly while she talking to me on oh he may not be due and I might have to come back.  I didn't say anything and just talked to luca in portuguese.

She: ok, he can get dpt and dib today.
me: yup. that's correct.  I just have a couple doubts.
She: oh yeah, what are those?
me: he started teething about two weeks ago, or what I think is teething.  It seems also like his body temperate has gone up, yet still in a normal range.  I think it moved about one degree.
She: from what to where?
me: oh this isn't easy, let me think.  Because I take it in fahrenheit.  umm it's now 97 F and it used to be.....
She cuts me off:  YOU NEED TO USE CELSIUS, YOUR IN BRAZIl.

oh god, it reminds me of people who say speak american, your in america.  although she actually makes a more logical statement.  but the mind set.  I start feeling pretty uncomfortable.

me:  well that's my thermometer, it's on fahrenheit.  I like it so, I can just convert.
She: well we don't convert here.
me: well I think he temperature runs at 35 celsius, but I am not sure we could just convert with a cellphone or something.
She: You need to be sure about a fever.
me: I am sure he is not having a fever.  he is in the normal.

She starts shaking her head.

She: You need to talk to a doctor before he gets this vaccination.

What?  I mean does she not remember the question.  sounds like the brazilian saying of making a storm out of a cup of water.

me: he doesn't have a fever.  His temperature change from 96.2 to 97 F.
She: yeah but you don't know what that is in celsius.

I look in my bag for my cell phone.  I looked at the conversion and I only had weight.

I start looking at the computer.

Me: do you have the internet?
She: YEAH.  DO YOU?
Me:  What?  Why would you say that?  what is your problem?
She:  MY PROBLEM.....

I raise my hand.

Me:  I think it's time for a supervisor to step in.


The supervisor came in and discussed the conversation at hand.  When she saw that it was more of a cultural thing, that she (the nuree) didn't like me.  The supervisor, just directed her to the task at hand and asked me to discuss the my doubts with her.  I thought I was going to get really upset with the way the woman was.  But I kept my cool and saw she had something with me or something going on.  I went straight to the supervisor when i saw the task at hand was going to be complicated.

I also plan on filing a complaint with public health system hotline.  

hit me with your best shot

Break.  I have been mentally having it out with my life.  I feel way too stuck here, and no opportunities to move or changes that are really going to happen.  I was kinda at a point emotionally where I wanted to remove my blog.  instead I moved it to private for a while, to think.

Really, I don't think my husband can leave this area without his mother guilt tripping him beyond his ability to deal.  When I was pregnant I saw how she was trying to buddy up to me (she never did this before) yet still insult me and the way I do stuff constantly.  So when we were moving she wanted us to move within walking distance of her house.  oh, no.  I pretty sure I talked about this.  How Ricardo told his mother this, that--that was not happening.  pretty much like that.  I got the death fantasy face.  the face she makes when she is imaging me die.  we moved 20 minutes away and laid such a guilt on ricardo that we fought for two weeks.  really that is him,right, everyone has got choices.  you need to decide are you married to mommy or nina?  Well Paulinia even campinas is really hard if your an already living here as foreigner that is a married woman who isn't interested in teaching english.  I am, BUT look at all my past postings about english.  It again doesn't work well in Paulinia.  Something tthat is 40 reals an hour in campinas people will pay 20 reals here.  If they pay.  If they come.

We've heard this over and over.  I have applied to every company (oh like 100), including given people in power positions my CV.  apparently, I could beg a job off a politician, i.e. put me in a company for my husband working for him.  I am not suppose to be saying this, as it's illegal.   But I won't agree to it and I won't say who.  So I am going to mention this issue.  I cry about corruption, but then I get a job (yes, probably shitty ass one too) by that means.  No.  no.  no.  I am not jumping onto the same behavior I see all the time.  In new orleans, I was tested too.  I stuck to my guns, as hard as and as much as I suffer/ed-- I'm going to do things the right way.  I remember the days driving from company to company and sitting out in the heat, taking test after test.  Just a bunch a crap they throw at you to not hire you here.  So it's time.

Just like I got up and started teaching myself how to teach english.  studying every linguistic journal, working hours and hours on lessons activities, working on methods, working on specifics for Brazilians, reading, reading, reading-- it helped me from burning up inside.  A change, a refusal to accept staying at home and not having options.

I really feel it's better to jump at what our options may be inside or outside the country.  My brazilian life seems that I am suppose to be happy staying at home for the next couple years and postponing everything.  Our daycare in Paulinia NOW has huge issues with overcrowding because of the elections.  We have 2,500 wait listed last year.  No new daycares and no new hires, and luca is wait listed at 169.  What happened to the 2,000?  They just forced the daycares to take more than they can handle.   My friend has 5 more children than she is suppose in one of the nicest day cares in the city the centro.  She told me there are lots of accidents and luca age group (6 months) is one teacher by 11 babies.  With one assistant who mainly changes and feeds.

Well, we're buying a house.  in Wisconsin, we have a great opportunity.  We'll buy a fixer upper, well one that isn't in too much of need.  To build a house runs about 45,000 US and that's pretty basic.  So I not looking at one that needs EVERYTHING updated and to be gutted.  Ricardo's applying for his visa.  He wants to study in the US and so do I.  After investing, we can look at coming back to brazil in a more planned way.  You see, we're sandwich generations.  We our going to be taking care of mothers and children at the same time.  The reality is, Ricardo mother is going to be retired on 250 US a month while luca would be in private school.  Teaching english in Paulinia isn't paying those bills.  We need to look you know, five moves a head.  Plus my student loans, every time I call my lender it's a new story and I have no idea what I qualify.  But according to them no more forebearance and nothing else because I am a resident of another country.  i was told flat out that resident in other countries don't qualify for any options.

I am really excited to change things up.  I miss the US and would like to be there for a while with Luca.  My grandparents are all in their 80's.  I want luca to know them, not see them for a week and we're off. So there's a lot of good.  Ricardo can have the means to help his mother.  Ricardo can afford traveling to Brazil better than me affording Brazil to the US.  Sadly, like another blogger stated as she returned to canada, this is all bitter sweet.  Things are now going to be hard for ricardo being away from his country, his family, his friends and his culture.  Even a period where we probably have to be separated. definitely, definitely our road seems hard, very bitter sweet.

Luca says "dadadadaa"!